Authentic

Authentic:

• conforming to fact and therefore worthy of belief; "an authentic account by an eyewitness"; "reliable information"


• not counterfeit or copied; "an authentic signature"


• genuine, like the real or original

Authenticity is kind of a theme moving around the blogs that I read right now, and I think it's an interesting subject to examine. How "real" is a blog? Surely some people pour their guts out on their blogs. And surely some people lie about themselves (although I couldn't guess why). Most of us, however, project a measured honesty on our blogs. I know I do, and I'm ok with that.

My blog is authentic in the sense that it's really me, writing about how I really feel. Sure, there are some warts in here. I struggle with controversial subjects in my life. And I wrestle with them here to get other peoples input on my world view. Maybe it helps to loosen some dirt, or shore up some foundation. That remains to be seen. It's a good outlet, and a good way to engage in meaningful dialogue with my blogging friends, most of whom (so far), were real world friends to begin with.

I liken my blog to the "real" me you'd meet in a public place, like a mall. Not my "public persona", because I don't have one. However I don't see anything wrong with running the raw Brian through filters of decency and propriety before projecting it in a public place. Sure, there are parts of me I don't like. And I agree, exposing them to the light makes the darkness flee. The depravity of my soul, however, is something I save for close conversations, with people who I think can help me make that soul a little less depraved. Exposing more of that to the world than I am comfortable with is, in my opinion, counterproductive.

I've mentioned here that, like most men, I'm attracted to pornography. And, like most men who have made the moral decisions I've made, I am uncomfortable with that attraction. I seek to deny it, reduce it, reject it... what ever I can do to help myself be less attracted to it. I think it's evil. It destroys women. It destroys relationships. It promotes unhealthy ideas about sex. And, just like a drug, the satisfaction it offers is hollow, meaningless, and all too fleeting. I think looking at the stuff is a violation of the vows I made to my wife. And... well, I could have stopped when I said it best. It's evil.

The specifics of that struggle, however, won't be mentioned here. Most any man who reads this knows the truth. They know they feelings of filthiness that live where afterglow should be. And, they know a dog returns to it's vomit. I don't think it's productive to get any deeper than that.

So, am I authentic? Well, like all publications, that's for the reader to decide. And, if you really want to get down into the dirt with me, contact me privately. If you think unpacking this subject, or any other, will really help either you or me, I'm ready. Although I am ashamed of my depraved nature, I am not afraid of it.

One last thing... This whole post is self examination and only self examination. I applaud people like Donny, who can put it all out there for people to see. But, I think Donny is a missionary, and his blog seems to live that out right now. I'm not a missionary. At least, not in this medium. I don't think I have to expose EVERYTHING to contribute, and to have that contribution be positive.

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And that's enough for now.

Brian Norwood

Platypi Online: The Platypus Portal